Learn To Ask Politely
by Aradiuth
Summary: John Cena and Randy Orton share a hotel room. Short fragment; M for language.


"JOHNNY! GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE BATHROOM!" Randy Orton yelled mutedly, careful not to disturb their neighbors.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" came John Cena's reply, already muted by the door and walls separating them.

Randy huffed a sigh and launched himself off of his bed. He stomped to the door and punched it impatiently. "You've been in there for like ten minutes and you're not even showering! What could you _possibly_ be doing in there that's taking so long?"

"How 'bout a shit?" John replied sarcastically.

Randy rolled his eyes. "If you don't open up right now and get the hell out of there, I'm coming in to get you," he threatened, unconsciously flexing his muscles.

There was a pause inside the bathroom. Then, John Cena growled appreciatively. "Huh. Never knew you were that way, Randy. Good for me there are two beds."

Randy groaned. "John!"

"Randy!"

"Would you PLEASE get OUT of the BATHROOM?"

There was a brief silence.

Randy stared at the door, waiting. His face was set into a half-exasperated, half-impatient mask.

Suddenly, there was the sound of glass shattering, followed by his roommate's loud, explosive swearing.

"John! What the hell is going on in there?" Randy tried the door, curiosity spurning him to figure out the solution of the mystery no matter what the other wrestler was doing; however, the door resisted, the lock obviously in place. "John Felix Anthony Cena!"

"Randy Keith Orton," John answered, though his voice was oddly strained, as it was after a bad match.

"Well? What the hell is going on?"

"Randy…can you come in…please?"

Surprised, Randy hesitated. Then, he tried the knob again. "I hate to break this to you, John, but you locked the door."

"What? No, I didn't!" There was a pause as Cena apparently figured out that he had, in fact, locked the door. "Oh. Well…"

"Well what? Un-fucking-lock it!"

"Um…yeah, I guess I could do that."

Randy sighed and gently hit his head against the wall. This was ridiculous. He told John as much. "YOU'RE FUCKING RIDICULOUS! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO WRESTLERS! I HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE QUITE AS STUPID AS YOU, YOU MORONIC DOUCHEBAG!"

John sighed loudly and dramatically. There was a thump on the door, presumably because he had dragged himself over and then leaned against it.

"CEEEENNNAAAA!"

John chuckled on the other side of the door, and Randy even felt the slight vibrations from his back.

"JOHN FUCKIN' CENA!"

John laughed again. "I like hearing my name. I especially like hearing you call my name like that."

"AAAUURGHHH!" Randy kicked the door out of frustration and glanced back at the TV. "Holy fuck, John, you're making me miss a Hell In A Cell match!"

"Hmph. Would I had _your_ problems," John sneered back.

"Your problems obviously aren't that great, since you aren't opening the door."

"Randy. Oh, Randy, Randy, Randy."

"I know my name, Johnny."

"JOHN!"

"And that's not it."

John Cena was quiet for a while, and Randy leaned against the door himself, his eyes on the TV. Then, Cena spoke again.

"Randy."

"What?"

There was a click, and Randy jumped away from the door.

"Randy, can you come in now?"

Cautiously, Randy turned the doorknob and peered inside the bathroom. John had moved away from the door and was lying on his back, playing with a shard of glass from the mirror.

"Well?" Randy asked, opening the door wider and stepping inside. "What's wrong?"

"Oh," John said lightly. "I broke the mirror. And I got a shard of glass in my foot." He lifted it to show his roommate. "But I got it out, so it's ok. That's not why you're in here."

Randy grimaced, hating the way John said 'why you're in here' instead of something like 'why I asked you to come here.' Cena always behaved like the universe revolved around him. "Well, why did you call me here?" he demanded, deciding to let it pass for the time being.

"THINK FAST!" John screamed abruptly, launching up and holding the shard like a pike, lunging at Orton.

Randy immediately ducked back out of the bathroom. John flew out of it and landed on his side, rolling on the floor laughing maniacally. Randy leapt over him and into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it securely. Outside, Cena continued his insane laughter.

"Next time, learn to ask politely!" John yelled after him.


End file.
